“Spend as much time as possible with people who support your true self. Spend as little time as possible with those who don’t”.
Martha Beck’s book “Finding Your Own North Star” introduced me to this concept of “finding your tribe”, and the profound importance of it.
The value of having these people- this soul family near to you cannot be overstated. Their presence greatly impacts the quality of your life. They inspire. They help you to be more you. They simply…enrich!
So, what are some signs that you’re hanging with a tribe member?
- They see who you are. And they see your potential.
- They bring out the best in you. You feel brilliant, amazing, beautiful, etc. when you are with them.
- You feel more alive during and after spending time with them.
- They “keep up your vibration”. To sound less new age-y, what I mean is that you feel uplifted by their company.
At some point in my life, I was surprised to find that even if I shared similar interests to some people, we still could not connect. Your tribe members may very well have the same interests as you, but that is not necessarily a prerequisite. It may not make sense to your “social self”, why you’re not clicking with someone, but your “essential self” knows what you really need in your life, and what you don’t.
And did you ever experience some unexplainable awkwardness with someone? Where there was just something about your chemistry, and you were just not your usual charming self? Or, as Martha Beck puts it: “Have you ever met someone around whom you regularly behave like a lobotomized chimpanzee?”. She explains that: “When you’re in circumstances that poison your core, all the subtle mechanisms that make for smooth social behavior get gummed up”. I had a friend who was such a good, giving person and a cool gal, but I always felt so graceless and tense around her!
And sometimes, you have friends who you value, but you know they aren’t very close friends. I know a lady who’s a badass. She is a writer whose talent I admire. She is amazing- but I wouldn’t say that she’s part of my inner circle; my tribe. I appreciate her and would like to see her once in a while- but she doesn’t belong centrally in my life. Making this distinction, I feel, is important.
So don’t feel bad if someone is “so nice” or is “so amazing” and you don’t get why you don’t connect with them more- you don’t have to understand it. The ones that feel like they are your tribe members are the ones you need most, so make time and room in your life for them!